Leading up to a transplant

I haven't been so great today, I've been bursting into tears at random moments. Having a bit of a quiet sob now and then. I feel like I've been on the verge of tears all day.
I had to go to the hospital for a follow up appointment this morning before work. I told them i'd be a little bit late. I had to see a dermatologist for my skin to follow up about the dermagraphia I aquired last time I was admitted to hospital about 3 weeks ago. My skin was just hyper sensitive to all the antibiotics I was taking so whenever I scratched my skin a welt or large red mark would come up and stay there for ages. Anyway back to the waiting room. It's was shit to be there and by the sounds of the receptionist they had no idea what was going on or which patient was seeing the doctor next. This was not my usual clinic so everything seemed a little strange to me. I had got lost on the way and ended up in the oncology unit where everyone were sitting in comfortable chairs having chemotherapy. I started to feel ill. After 45 minutes I told them I was leaving. I still had another appointment at the CF clinic which I considered more important. At the clinic I did a spyro, which was pretty bad, it had dropped from my last attempt three weeks prior. The CF nurse was clearly upset with me for walking out on my dermatology appoinment, but I wasn't going back. I am so sick of the usual long waiting times. They don't realise that any of their patients actually have a job to go to, or rather a life to lead. As soon as I got into the lift to leave I began to cry. I'm so sick of it. Appointments, hospitals, sitting ALONE in the waiting room. Over the next three months it's going to be very hard, I have to have many more appointments and half days off work because I will be having all the tests done (it's called the work up) for a lung transplant. I'm also pretty depressed about this, but only when I'm reminded of it (which is everytime I have to go see the doctors or enter the hospital). When ever I'm doing the normal things that I do, I'm fine.

After my hospital admission for that lethal flu my lungs just aren't the same. They are more damaged than ever and I can actually feel the change. Due to the nature of CF my lungs get worse over time but it's a very gradual thing so I don't really ever notice, however I know this feeling now is very different and I know I wont be returning to my normal level of health. My doctors are thinking of transplant soon. It's hard but It's a reality and something I have had to deal with my whole life.

I am ok I just needed to get that off my chest. I promise I wont burst into tears again for the rest of the day :)